Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Day 1 WOC Pt2 First Public Confession

Continued from Day 1 WOC "By The Word of Their Testimony


After lunch it’s back to the same pods we go so that we can fellowship with the girls. During our lunch break I was asked to be a platform speaker for the second half of the day. I was to go from pod to pod sharing my story. I have done these events quite a few times and I have been asked before to be a platform speaker, but this time was different I did not know why at the time. The Holy Spirit had been telling me to prepare my heart to speak since that morning so I was not surprised when I was asked to share. I asked our Lord to give me the Words that He would have me speak.

I went into the first pod and began to share my story in front of close to 100 women. I told them how I had been raised by both my father and mother until I was eleven years old when they separated. It was all down hill for me then. I became even more rebellious and started running away from home. I went to live with my dad because I was closer to him at the time. My mother was very strict with me and we just always seemed to bump heads. I explained that I realize today that she was just trying to protect me.

Full of stubbornness and rebellion I thought I knew everything and I wanted to be so grown. I had run away twice to New York before the age of 14. My family had formed a gang and pretty much joined forces with another big gang in our county. They were one of these largest gangs in Broward County in the early 90’s. Most of my family only helped feed the terrible demons that possessed my life.

I began doing drugs, fighting, having sex, stealing, clubbing, hanging out all night and disappearing for days at a time. I had been arrested a couple of times and did a little time in juvenile detention. Then I was sixteen when my mother died in a tragic car accident. This pushed me over the edge. Now I was full of rage and hurt. The one emotion that I had the most that ate at my heart was regret. I regretted not being able to be the daughter that my mother deserved. I just wanted to know that she loved me. What I shared next surprised me…

I continued on to tell them that perhaps I had been angry with my mother because when I was small child I told her of how I had been molested by a family member that was staying in our home. When I told her what occurred she addressed the individual along with their parent, but they did not believe me. I remember being slapped in the face and being called a liar. I was wounded forever. This was not the first or the last time that this would occur, not by the same family member. Others too had their way with me.

I stood for a moment before the women in disbelief but in freedom. I told them that this was the first time that I shared publicly that I had been molested. I gave glory to God who has healed me and explained that it is by His Spirit that I am able to forgive and share that story with them. Although I do not forget what has happened I remember with forgiveness. When I looked around and saw the tears and the shock in their faces I immediately knew that many of these women had also been molested or raped. My friend read me a statistic from the Us Department of Justice’s site that said more than 50% of the women in jail said they had been physically or sexually abused in the past. How awful. L

I finished sharing and went on to the next dorm to tell my story of deliverance. That day approximately 200 women heard how our Lord delivered me from darkness and brought me into the light. When I was done sharing I felt like the little girl that hides inside me was no longer full of shame and guilt. She was full of love and freedom in Christ Jesus. She has learned to allow our Lord to take what the enemy meant to destroy her and use it for His glory.

After leaving the prisons we went to a banquet that was hosted by a local church for all of the volunteers. We had dinner, fellowship, and shared our experiences in the jails and prisons. There was singing, laughing, and prayer. It was an awesome end to a glorious day.

Enclosing I would like to say that if you have been molested or raped you do not have to be ashamed or feel guilty. You were the victim but you do not have to remain the victim. You can become the victor through Christ Jesus. He can heal you if you will choose to forgive your offender. It took me many years to even face this situation, to even talk about it. It was just a couple of months ago that I told my husband, whom I have been with for ten years, that I was molested as a child.

Our God was patient with me and knew when I would be ready to face this. One of my mother’s in the Lord shared her story with me of how her father had for years sexually abused her. She spoke with such freedom and without shame. To hear and see how our Lord had delivered and healed her made me want to face my past too. It is because of her story and His Word that fills my very being that I can address this subject today.

His Word has brought healing to my soul. His Word is freedom to those that have been held captive by strongholds, addictions, anger, and unforgiveness. Allow the Holy Spirit to heal you and to help you forgive so that you can be free too.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the suffering and afflicted. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, to announce liberty to captives and to open the eyes to the blind.” Isaiah 61:1

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

What an awesome Word and I am so glad that the Lord is using you the way he is. God is so victorious and through His live we can do all things thru Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior.

I am so proud of you Lisa for being the woman God has called you to be. He will continue to mold you and prepare your for battle and I will be right by your side through it all..

I Love You so much and Thank God for the Woman you have become.

Love Your Brother in Christ and Your Husband,

Its That Time

DeAna said...

wow, this is such a liberating article. To know the darkness from which you came and to see the light and glory you live in today... thanks and praise be to God!!!

I know this has been tugging at your heart for awhile and I'm glad you finally found the strength and peace within to share it with others.

Inside and outside of prisons, many women face the same struggle of molestation as a child. And it is with Jesus Christ that they will be able to cope.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You truly are a blessing. xoxo

Lisa C. aka Trophy of Grace said...

Thank you both so much for your comments. Your loving words of empower me because I know that it is our God through you that is encouraging me to keep moving forward.

My love,

Thank you for always believing in me and nevering giving up on us and what God has for us together. I have never in all of our marriage felt that we have been on one accord like we are now. Us two have truly become one.

I love you,

D,

Honey...Wow..what a work the Lord is doing through both of us. Thank you for being such a 4REAL friend..lol..I love your bluntness and the way you remind of me what God has shown us. I enjoy being a partner in ministry with you. I love you gurl. lol...MUCHO BESOS!!!

lynnmosher said...

It takes great fortitude to become transparent before others. You remind of this verse, "Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven — for she loved much."

I wanted to thank you for your comment on my blog post...the best is yet to be! You made my heart explode with joy! It is such a delight to know that the Lord uses my writing to touch the hearts of others. I'm so glad for the confirmation. May the Lord bless you.

Lisa C. aka Trophy of Grace said...

Thanks for your comment Lynn! It is by the power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God that I can share my past. He has healed me and taken away my shame.

God bless you sister..

Anonymous said...

Thank you so, so much for posting this. It really struck a chord with me. I was not a victim of sexual abuse when I was younger, but rather of emotional abuse. Lately, (and this could be because I am married, and in the most intimate relationship of my life) - my father keeps surfacing in my thoughts.

My relationship with my father is marked by a lot of strife and conflict. My first memory of him, is him throwing an object at me. It pains me to say this, but we are strangers to each other. Reaching out to him has had little effect. I'm going to keep trying, but until then, I have realized that I need to get to a place of peace. I, too, have been carrying around a lot of anger within me.

I want you to know that your piece has helped me greatly. We don't need to hang on to past hurts. We can heal, and forgive our transgressors - because in forgiveness, there is freedom and light.

Keep at your blog! You are doing a world of good for people everywhere! :)

Lisa C. aka Trophy of Grace said...

Thanks for your comment Bev..I am so sorry to hear about your relationship with your dad. You hae to pray for him and ask God to help you forgive him so that you can truly begin to heal.

Unforgiveness and anger will eat at your soul like a cancer and suck the joy out of your life. Even if you manage to hide your feelings of hurt and abuse they are their silently hindering your relationships with others.

Lay this down at the altar at Jesus feet along with your life and you will see that He can do what He has done for me, Mike, and so many others. He will redeem you..

God bless you and thanks again for your comment.

Anonymous said...

wow your post reminded me of when my mother didnt believe me twice when something like this happened to me, it changed my world, and thats when i became wild living house to house and so forth. If it wasnt for someone in my life who guided me out of the darkness, i dont know where i would be now, even though my mom and i relationship is not at all how it was before any of this happened, i try hard to push it aside and forgive. thanks for such a lovely post!

Tea with Tiffany said...

I've been sexually abused too. The numbers of those with this kind of experience is so upsetting. I'm sorry to hear you understand what being violated feels like. My past brought me much shame and I believed lies about myself. I carried this baggage into my adulthood. Into marriage. I've found much freedom as I've shared and sought God for comfort and healing.

I've served as a mentor for incarcerated teen girls for about 6months. May get involved again soon. Praying for the perfect time. I know God sent me there to share my pain and to share His hope. I continue to be drawn to hurting, hard hearted women and teens. I know they need hope..I feel like I have something worthy to share.

Jesus!

Lisa C. aka Trophy of Grace said...

Thanks so much for sharing that Tiffany. I know that there are many other girls that have been through what we have been through and that is part of the reason we do this ministry. We want them to know that they are not alone.

Then for me personally..I feel like every time I am lead to share my experience I find even more freedom and I feel like I gain more territory in the spiritual realm.

You are doing a great and mighty work going into the jail and institutions to visit these young girls. Believe me you are truly making a difference in their lives.

Stephanie said...

I don't believe that God is ever the author of evil or abuse. But God can take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it into healing for others as we ourselves walk in healing. God bless you.

Lisa C. aka Trophy of Grace said...

Thank you sister..You are right He can take what the enemy means to destroy us and turn for the good and His glory!! Thanks for your comment.

My God is Faithful!

My God is Faithful!
Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.He lifted me out of the slimy pit,out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.