What God Has Joined Together, Let No Man Separate

I was just reading on USA Today Religion’s page an article that was talking about the divorce rate among Christians. It said that the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, conducted a vast demographic study and found that Christians, like adherents of other religions, have a divorce rate of about 42%. They also claim that among religiously unaffiliated Americans the divorce rate is 50%. This is just so sad.

I have been with my husband now for 13 years this August. It is both of ours second marriage. We were both married young. We were not Christians and we lived very selfish, destructive lives that helped destroy our first marriages. Eight years ago my husband and I decided to stop playing house and get married. We agreed that if we were to make marriage vows again that it was till death do us part. We had seen what our children from our first marriages suffered and the thought of tearing apart another family was not acceptable.

So we have been determined to fight for our marriage. We have been determined to love each other through good and bad times. We have most certainly had some terrible times and we have had many more wonderful, beautiful, passionate good times. We are in a really good place right now. Thank you Jesus!

Fight For Your Family

In my little eleven year relationship and seven year marriage I have learned that our adversary the devil truly comes to kill, steal, and destroy families. He hates Christian families. He has demons, imps, and familiar spirits assigned to try to divide and conqueror our families. He wants to tear us apart. He wants our children to be left unprotected and vulnerable to the repercussions of a broken home such as emotional and mental instability, insecurity issues, inability to trust, abandonment issues, depression, a sense of hopelessness and so much more.

“Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart.” Matthew 12:25

His plan is simple. Divide and conqueror! These demonic influences will do anything to try to get us to come against one another. They know that if the husband and wife are on one accord standing on the Word of God and in constant prayer that the forces of hell do not stand a chance. So they will try to wreck havoc in our lives with their cunning little schemes that are subtle. They set traps for us that will cause a destructive ripple affect in our lives.

Maybe they will start by trying to get us coveting, to self indulge, and over spend so that our families will end up stressed out about paying off debt and blaming one another for the financial crisis. Then will come the thoughts of drugs or alcohol to help cope with the problems and stress instead of praying and drawing close to the Lord for help. Often times by this point anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, and pride have crept in from all the harsh, critical, and unloving words. Now our hearts are hardened towards our spouse so that we do not even want to speak any more. Communication is broken or distorted. We hear what we want to hear and it is never good. Now the stage is set for feelings of abandonment and loneliness to fester in our hearts so that the demons can send someone to tempt us into having an adulterous relationship. There it is your way of escape. The demons will surely promote the scripture Matthew 5:41 about being able to get a divorce on the grounds of adultery. Then off to divorce court you go. Family left in ruins. This can be anyone of us if we let our guard down.

1 Peter 5:8 (Amplified Bible)

Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.

Brothers and sisters there is a spiritual battle going on. It bugs me a little when I hear people say, “Don’t give the devil too much credit”. I don’t think that we need to make light of his craftiness. Peter warns us to be vigilant and cautious AT ALL times because the devil is roaming around like a lion roaring seeking someone to seize upon and devour. It sounds to me like we need to be on guard ready to fight the demonic powers in our lives. We need to be ready to stand strong in the Lord and in the power of His might with our armor on from the top of our head to the bottom of our feet. We need to use discernment and stay prayed up all the time so that we can stand firm against all the strategies of the devil. (Ephesians 6:10-20)

We have to remember that we are in a spiritual battle against unseen forces of darkness. It is time to stand up and start fighting for our families, instead of fighting against the family. Too many times we forget who the battle is really against and we start allowing life’s situations and circumstances to overburden us to the point where we are nagging and fighting with the ones that are closest to us, our husband, wife, and children. We need to STOP IT! We need to open our eyes and see things from a spiritual perspective not from a fleshly or emotional point of view. We must remember the promise of God that He has a plan and purpose for us, but not just for us for our family. If each member of the family assumes their God ordained positions and stands up against the forces of evil in this world with the Sword of Truth then no weapon formed against the Christian family will prosper.

It’s NOT going to be easy. I know this for a fact because my marriage has not been easy. We have had many trials and battles, but we have overcome each one through faith in Christ Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit. Our toughest times have been when we have turned our eyes away from the Word. The Lord gave us strength not to give up on our family, but we had to choose daily to keep our eyes on Him no matter what. We had to choose to forgive over and over and over again. My husband and I have determined to fight for our family, for our marriage, and for each other because we know that God has a plan for our entire family. So we have learned and are still learning daily to be long suffering and to trust God to continue the good work He has started in each of us.

I want to encourage you to fight for your family too. Your labor of love will not be in vain and your sacrifice will be honored.

7 Years Ago Today

Seven years ago today my husband and I made a covenant before God and our closest loves one that we would cleave to one another and become one in holy matrimony. On May 25th, 2002 we decided that we would no longer half step in our relationship and continue to play house. We had been together for almost four years and had our first beautiful daughter together Iliana before we decided to truly commit our relationship to the Lord. When we finally did it was the best decision of both of our lives. Our relationship has been going through a divine transformation ever since.

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Matthew 19:5

This is both of our second marriages. He had two children from his first marriage and I had one. We have seen the terrible consequences that our previous divorces have had on all of our children, as well as us. It has become quite clear to us why our Lord hates divorce. We determined that by the power of the Holy Spirit we would never allow what God has joined together to be split apart. The generational curse of divorce will stop here, in Jesus name.

Over the past eleven years we have had many struggles and battles but by the grace of God we have proven to be more than conquerors through Christ Jesus who has become the foundation and cornerstone of our marriage. Seven years ago we asked the Lord to become Lord of our relationship. We committed our family to Him. From that day on our lives were changed forever.

Looking back just in these past eleven years I can see where the Lord has truly renewed our minds and helped us to better understand what marriage is about. Trust me when I say that our marriage is far from perfect, but it is perfect for us. We are perfect for each other.

I can share with you what we have learned so far. I pray that it will help someone in their marriage.

1) Learn to cleave to one another – Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” We have learned to be united to one another and have left our parents to make our own family. Our family decisions are our own. Finding the resolution to our problems are done through prayer and communication together, in our own household. Too many times a couple will get married and they are still cleaved to their parents or other family members, instead of cleaving to one another. It’s like they married their spouse’s mom or dad too. The parents are always involved in their family decisions and business. If a marriage is going to be healthy we believe that it has to learn to grow up and stand on it’s own with Jesus has the main support system. Don’t get me wrong our family has helped us tremendously over the years and we still go to our parents for advice. However, we stand strong and independent from them. We have been led by the Holy Spirit to cleave to one another instead of running outside of our marriage for support. When one of us is weak the other is strong. When one is down the other will lift them up. We have truly become one.

2) Pray and read the Word together – We have learned that it is true that a family that prays together stays together. We pray together now more than we ever have. At the beginning of this year the Lord impressed on our hearts that we needed to be praying more as a family. Praying together has knit us even tighter and has helped us keep our perspective that Jesus is our family’s anchor. He is our source for direction, healing, provision, forgiveness, and love. We are also learning to read the Word more as family. During times of family reading we have received much confirmation and encouragement. Our children see that our counsel comes from the Word of God and they seem more determined to become doers of the Word.

3) Be long suffering and patient – We have to remember that the Lord is doing a work in all of us and it is a process. He deals with each of us differently and each of us receives differently. We have to learn to step back and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in each of us. If we are always trying to jump in and do the Spirit’s job then we are just prolonging the process and we will find that we are spinning our tires and getting no where. Patience is truly a virtue. Sometimes it will be years before you will see a break through in certain areas of your spouse’s life that you have been praying and hoping for a change. Don’t be quick to throw in the towel because your breakthrough may be just another prayer a way. Keep praying and interceding on your spouses behalf. Pray for your own strength and allow this time to build your endurance. The Lord sees your tears and suffering. It helps me to consider how patient and long suffering the Lord has been with me. I think about how long it took me to listen and change and how during that season our Lord did not give up on me. Be determined to fight for your marriage no matter what. Don’t give up be longsuffering.

4) Don’t believe the lies – During the difficult and stormy seasons of marriage the enemy will come in like a flood and tell you all types of lies to try to tear apart your marriage. He will try to divide and conqueror you both. A house divided will not stand. You must draw closer to the Lord during these times. If you do not you will find yourself draw closer to other people, things, or places that will only serve to destroy your marriage. Rely on the truth of God’s Word and apply the Word to your life. This will truly set you free. Keep your eyes on Jesus (The Word) while you go through the storm and you will not drown. I promise!

5) Make time for each other – It’s important that you make time for one another without kids, family, or friends around. You need those intimate moments to keep the sparks going. Take this time to serve each other in ways you normally don’t. Put the other person first and let them know you appreciate everything they do. Hold hands and kiss. Try to make these private moments often. Gone on dates frequently, even if date night is curly up with dim lights, candles, popcorn, and a movie.

These are just the first five that came up in my heart. I would love to hear from you what has worked in your marriage. Also perhaps someone has a word of warning. Please share your do’s and don’ts. Comment below..

A Perfect Marriage

A perfect marriage? Is there such a thing? No it’s impossible. An imperfect woman and an imperfect man who get married do not equal a perfect marriage. All too often we deceive ourselves into thinking that marriage is supposed to be easy and not so much work. We see these movies about love and living happily ever after, but life is so much more complicated than these fairytale love stories we see in the movies. The truth is that marriage is hard work. We have to choose daily to lovingly submit one to another. We have to learn to discuss life’s issues such as raising the children, financial responsibilities, work issues, ministry issues, and so much more; all while trying not to allow these conversations to turn into unnecessary arguments.

Anyone who has been married for quite some time will know that what I am saying is true and this is nothing new to them. My husband and I have been together for almost eleven years and I know that we will be together for eleven plus more. I trust that the Lord will continue the good work that He has started in our marriage until the day He returns to bring us home.

I just want to encourage you if you are in a difficult season in your marriage that you are not alone. There are many others that are going through the same thing. The enemy will inevitably attack out marriages. He is determined to tear families apart and hinder the work that the Lord is doing in our lives. He wants our children to be left broken and confused by the affects of divorce. The deceiver would have us believe that perhaps we would be happier without our other half. Don’t believe the lies.

We must stay encouraged and keep pressing forward no matter what lies the enemy brings to us. We mustn’t get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. The Lord is faithful to fulfill His promise to care for us and to help us when we are weak, we just have to enter into His presence and ask for help. He will not leave us or forsake us. He has to be the Source of our marriages’ strength. (Galatians 6:9)

My own marriage has been under attack since the day we made that covenant before God and said till death do us part. I am sure the enemy was heated that day. That was the day we became a tripled-braided cord. Ever since that beautiful day we have not been easily broken. The Holy Spirit has been that strong part of the cord that keeps us binded together. At times when we have felt like we just can’t go any further the Spirit of God reminds us that He has ordained this marriage for such a time as this. It was His purpose and plan that we be together and serve Him side by side. What God has joined together let no man separate. (Ecclesiastes 4:12, Mark 10:9)

Trust the Lord with your marriage. Give Him every concern, complaint, or burden that you are carrying. He wants you to cast all of your cares on Him. Pray together. Pray for one another. Pray as family. Don’t allow bitterness to root itself in your heart or it will hinder your love for your spouse. Listen to one another and remember that the two of you have become one so it’s ok that you are different. That was the point. You were made to compliment one another. Where one is weak the other will be strong. When one falls the other is there is to lift them up. When our Lord created our spouse He had us in mind.

So remember that when your marriage has to pass through the waters, God will be with you. When you have to walk through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire (and you will), you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. These are meant to perfect your marriage. (Isaiah 43:2)

Reflecting On Marriage

This weekend I watched as one of my best friends and brother got married. It was beautiful! To watch two people who love each other commit their relationship to God and long for his blessings on their family is awesome.

It made me reflect on my own marriage. I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 6. That is a long time! It has not been an easy journey. We have had good times and bad times. We have loved each other and we have hurt each other. We have learned about true love and commitment.

So here is some advice to all newly weds based on what God has shown us in our marriage:

• Put God first in your marriage. Learn to pray daily about everything together.
• Be merciful to one another and forgive quickly! Remember that our heavenly father is constantly forgiving us. Don’t harbor anger. Let it go and allow God to heal your hurt. (Matt 6:14, Mark 11:25-26)
• Be patient with one another and remember you married your spouse for who they are. Let God be the one to change them. Try not to do the Holy Spirit’s job. (This one is tough for me..lol)
• Be willing to adapt to one another. It does not always have to be your way. Marriage is about learning to submit to one another.
• Husbands, often times wives have a fear of submitting to you, however if your wife sees you submitting your life to God she will feel more secure submitting to you. She will know that you are seeking God and will trust your decisions.
• Wives respect your husbands even when you don’t think he deserves it. Lift him up and encourage him. You will see that he will respond by giving you the love you desire from him.
• Live within your means. Stay away from credit card debt and overspending. The enemy will try to get you enslaved to debt because he knows that financial stress can cause extreme martial problems and can even lead to divorce.
• Use wisdom when seeking advice. Seek godly counsel from those who love the Lord and long to please Him.

There are many good Christian books and teachings to help you have a better marriage. I have included some below. Although I have not read all of them I enjoy the teachings of these writers and they have helped me in my marriage. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate and The Power of a Praying Wife were life changing books for me. I pray that one of the books below would be just what you were needing.