I have been with my husband now for 13 years this August. It is both of ours second marriage. We were both married young. We were not Christians and we lived very selfish, destructive lives that helped destroy our first marriages. Eight years ago my husband and I decided to stop playing house and get married. We agreed that if we were to make marriage vows again that it was till death do us part. We had seen what our children from our first marriages suffered and the thought of tearing apart another family was not acceptable.
So we have been determined to fight for our marriage. We have been determined to love each other through good and bad times. We have most certainly had some terrible times and we have had many more wonderful, beautiful, passionate good times. We are in a really good place right now. Thank you Jesus!
I want to encourage anyone who maybe reading this who is going through many trials in their marriage and feels like giving up. Don’t give up on your marriage! No matter how long you have been praying for a change, don’t lose hope. You will see a breakthrough IF you keep praying and believing. At the darkest hours of my marriage this is the verse the Lord kept bringing up to my heart.
Galatians 6:9 “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”
I have been blessed to have mighty women of God who have given me godly counsel, corrected me, challenged me, spoken truth into my marriage and encouraged me when I felt overwhelmed. God used them and the examples they set in their marriages to help push me along in mine. Today I want to share with you wisdom that I have gained about marriage.
1) Seek GODLY counsel and encouragement from people who you know love the Lord, understand the covenant of marriage, and will speak life into your marriage. Don’t share your marital problems with friends or family who will talk bad about your spouse or your marriage. You may also want to consider getting counsel from a pastor or Christian counselor. (Proverbs 12:5, Proverbs 19:20)
2) Never stop praying. Pray alone. Pray with your spouse. Pray even when you’re mad, especially when you’re mad, cry out to God. Pour out your heart and then go to His Word and read and listen to what He is speaking to your heart. He WILL comfort you and give you hope. You just have to choose to receive it! (1 Peter 5:7, Psalm 55:22, Psalm 119:114,76,50)
3) Be willing to change. Seek God about how you can change and be a better spouse. Don’t focus so much on your spouse’s issues and what they aren’t doing right. Trust God to deal with them. It is not for us to do the Holy Spirit’s job.
4) Give grace, be merciful and quick to forgive. When you are unforgiving bitterness will take root in your heart. (Hebrews 12:15) You will become overwhelmed with resentment and it will corrupt your marriage. Let things go! Don’t throw past failures in your spouse’s face even if it just happened yesterday. Our Lord brought me to Colossians 3:12-14 to check my heart on the issue of forgiveness and mercy. It says, “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.
5) Study the Word of God. Look up scriptures on marriage, divorce, anger, forgiveness, mercy, grace, and love. As you read the Word of God your mind will be renewed on these issues and the Lord will help you to change and to do what is pleasing to Him in your marriage. You can also get books on marriage and love. Here are some good one’s that I know:
Five Love Languages by Dr.Gary Chapman
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Healing A Broken Marriage by Deborah Ross. (If anyone wants a free copy I have 3 left to give. Just message me below)
There are many other good books out there. These are just 3 of my favorites.
6) Focus on the good. Don’t allow yourself to mediate on all of your spouse’s imperfections. Allow God to help you see your spouse’s strengths, giftings, and potential. (Philippians 4:8)
7) Enjoy one another. Go on date nights often. It’s important to spend quality time together talking, sharing each other’s dreams and visions. My husband and I incorporated this principle into our marriage about two years ago. It has really helped keep the sparks flying. (Song of Solomon 8:6-7)
8) Last but certainly NOT least, Make love! Be quick to have make up sex. Don’t allow a lot of time to go on without making love to your spouse. Making love helps to release stress and creates a stronger bond in the marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
Enclosing I leave you with this word,
“What God has joined together, let no man separate!” – Mark 10:9